The first year after my mom’s stroke was the darkest time for me. My homelessness was bad, but didn’t even “touch” the darkness of that first year. The depression was bad. It was BAD, bad. Many days I would wake up in the morning and as soon as I was conscious, I would be sobbing. That led me to a sort of “gauge” on how bad things were, based on whether I was crying BEFORE I was even out of bed. Back then it was often. It is not often now, but it happened two days ago.
After waking up, and sobbing before I was out of bed, (never a good sign) I got up and took the one kind of medication that I do have, and I made coffee. A couple hours later, I feel a lot better and it is not ONLY because of the medication. It is because I remembered some things, and I remembered them because of my friend Sabine.
I remembered that I am wonderful and brilliant.
I remembered that I am entitled to the same love that I feel for, and give to, others. I am deserving of the same encouragement and loving speech I give to my dogs. “It’s ok.” “You’re alright.” “GOOD GIRL!“ 😀
I remembered that I am my own best friend. And like any good friend, I am the one who will help me the most.
I remembered that stressing about it does NOT help. It actually causes resistance. Like trying to forcing a tight ring on a finger. Don’t FORCE it. Relax and “allow” it to happen as you wish.
I remembered that just because I want it, or even think I need it, doesn’t mean I am right. I need to allow The Universe to “do it’s thing”. What I need and want will be given to me freely and easily, but if I am fully determined that what I need is “over there”, I may miss the actual thing I need as it passes me by “over here”
I have received much kindness from so many, but today, I am reminded by, and grateful for Sabine. Thank you Sabine for your wisdom and gentle guidance, and your belief in me when I don’t believe in myself. You will truly never know what a positive impact you have had on my life.
All my Love and Blessings to you.